What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
