I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
