I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
