What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
