omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
