tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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