If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
