he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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