I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
