The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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