1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
