does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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