Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
