My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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