I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this is an emotional support booty call
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
