sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
