She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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