weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
