so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
