I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
