Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
