Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
