"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
