i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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