All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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