my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
