went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
