grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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