BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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