Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
