I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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