A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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