Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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