I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
