Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
