Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
