I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
