hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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