Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
