why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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