i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
