i was born a porn star she said
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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