The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
