I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
