sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
