new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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