nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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