I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
