I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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