Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
