I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His nipple licking is glorious
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