We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
