You really coming over, don't trick.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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