He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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