Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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