I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
