Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
