I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
