I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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