I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
