I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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