apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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