one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
