The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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