I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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