oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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