Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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