Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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