I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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