Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
